We recently moved a close relative into the Care Center directly from a short hospital stay, without going back to her home. She did not respond well even though she made the choice to go.
I reacted badly to several fits that were thrown and swore I wouldn't go back to have to put up with that "abuse" when I was only trying to help. I am the "in law" after all and shouldn't have to put up with it.... Okay, I'm the primary care giver and somehow ended up making most of the decisions, but still...
Without going into the whole drama of it all, God put in my path a video of a "Letter from Mom & Dad," using a friend on Facebook to do so. I read through the "letter" crying most of the way. It really got me to thinking about the circumstances that brought this relative to the place where she is now and how hard it must be for her. I immediately sent it to my children, reposted it on Facebook and sent it to my mother and my sisters. I made my husband and my brother-in-law and his wife watch it, too.
My husband and I have a renewed patience and desire to make things better for her as well as a desire to really listen to her, not just pretend to listen to her. My mother says that she hopes I learn from this experience, so when its her turn, I will have it down to an art!
A couple of days after coming to this realization, I had to take the relative to the doctor and instead of taking her back to the care center, we went out to eat, then later just sat in the car talking and dropped in on one of her friends to visit for a minute.
I found myself really listening for the first time about how things were affecting her and what her wishes were instead of thinking that I and the rest of her family knew best. After finding out what was really bothering her, we relaxed her diet and had the therapist set her up a schedule so she would know when to be ready as well as a couple of other changes. We still have to make hard choices, but at least I understand her better and she did a complete turnaround. Several of the staff even commented on it.
I sent this video to the Director of the Care Center and told her that she should make it required viewing of all new residents' families. It's pretty simple, really and may not touch anyone like it did me, but I know it was meant for me to see for this season of needing to learn to understand and to listen, hopefully resulting in that unconditional love that Jesus taught us. May you be as blessed as I was!
(The video is no longer available.)
