My Battle with the Dragon!.........A Story of Depression & Healing

 

Updated May 2013 I want y'all to know that there is hope when in depression.  It takes inner strength, but mostly it takes knowing Jesus and knowing that God speaks through his children as well as other ways.  He loves you and He can heal anything.  He’s big enough to listen to you screaming at him and blaming him without His love ever faltering.  He knows what you are going through and He knows that it is a fallen world and it breaks His heart.  He doesn’t put you in the situation, but He will get you through it.  All you have to do is ask.   

Satan had me in such a stranglehold, telling me that God could have prevented my pain, so that I couldn’t ask.  Don’t believe that lie.  God didn’t do it.  

On to my story……….

The Summons for Grand Jury Duty, a Poem

 Was the week 'fore Reunion while cleaning the place,

The fan blades (yes, Mandy), the carpets and drapes,

Washing windows and curtains, sheets and bedspreads

Planning menus and shopping lists from dishrags to breads.

I moved bookcases, dusted and watered the lawn,

Like a wild woman, I was just getting things done!

Guess the B12 was kicking in big time because..

Like a whirlwind I moved through the house without pause.

Was down to the final days of preparation and then...

I noticed an envelope...long, white and thin

In the mail with my paper, some bills and a pencil.

I read my name on the front...big, bold and official.

It came unexpectedly, not at all a good time!

I opened it up and read line by line....

For Grand Jury Duty you're ordered "Appear!"

The day 'fore your reunion, You need to be here!

(You just gotta love God's timing!  Hope you enjoyed this attempt at humor of my situation!  I truly consider it my duty to serve, so we'll see.....)

Confused on Crossing Guard Rules

I just received a warning ticket from a DPS officer for "disregard of school crossing guard." 

I had stopped at the crosswalk and waited until the guard "led" the children across two lanes and was entering the third of four lanes, when I decided to continue on down the street.  It was my understanding that when a pedestrian had cleared your lane, then you could proceed forward and I assumed that this applied to the crossing guard situation since he appeared to be walking with the children to the other side.

There are two rules in play here.  One is from the Texas Transportation Code, § 552.003.  PEDESTRIAN RIGHT-OF-WAY AT CROSSWALK.  (a) The operator of a vehicle shall yield the right-of-way to a pedestrian crossing a roadway in a crosswalk if: (1) no traffic control signal is in place or in operation; and (2) the pedestrian is (A) on the half of the roadway in which the vehicle is traveling; ...

The second is § 542.501. OBEDIENCE REQUIRED TO POLICE OFFICERS AND TO SCHOOL CROSSING GUARDS. A person may not willfully fail or refuse to comply with a lawful order or direction of: ..... (2) a school crossing guard who: (A) is performing crossing guard duties in a school crosswalk to stop and yield to a pedestrian; or (B) has been trained under Section 600.004 and is directing traffic in a school crossing zone.

The problem comes in where the crossing guard is not giving proper direction to traffic.  He was leading the children across the street behind him, not securing traffic before he allowed them to cross.  It appeared that the direction by the crossing guard was inconsistent with holding traffic until the crosswalk was empty, but instead, keeping traffic at bay until the children cleared each lane. 

It was my fault.  I should have known how crossing guards are supposed to be trained instead of how they are trained.  I should have treated the crosswalk just like waiting on a school bus to release you to move your vehicle forward.  I follow the law as closely as possible even when I don't agree.  I would never, ever put a child or even an adult in danger intentionally or through not paying attention in a school zone.  I would not have intentionally broken the law right in front of the DPS unit.  I have even called 911 when a car sped through a school zone twice, once in Jacksboro and once in Windthorst.  I put my cell phone down and I watch both sides of the highway closely.  I know school zones are to be taken seriously.

I appreciate the fact that the officer did not give me a ticket.  He was trying to be very professional, but in doing so, was very sterile.  I could have used a smile after finding out that I did not intentionally break the law.  Instead, I got a couple of undeserved lectures.  After all, I did not have an attitude and I did not come close to hitting anyone.  The crosswalk was clear for 2 lanes.

The resulting feeling from this ordeal is that I still do not think that I was "disregarding a school crossing guard" because he was not directing me to stay stopped.  He appeared to be continuing on to the other side of the road.  I was following the pedestrian law instead and evidently, that was a mistake.

Just to be on the safe side, go to this link   to find out the responsibilities of a crossing guard.  "This online guide was prepared by the University of North Carolina Highway Safety Research Center with support from the National Highway Transportation Safety Administration, Federal Highway Administration, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and the Institute of Transportation Engineers."

The bottom line......I will stop at all crosswalks in school zones when there is a crossing guard or children anywhere in the vicinity and stay stopped until the crosswalk is empty of anyone and I will hope that the crossing guard gets better with his signals.

Learning a Lesson About Old People

I really hate to say it, but I have never been comfortable around old people. It really isn't restricted to old people, either, because I just do not have any sympathy for those that won't help themselves. My experiences lately, however, have me on a road to a new understanding, especially toward the elderly.

We recently moved a close relative into the Care Center directly from a short hospital stay, without going back to her home. She did not respond well even though she made the choice to go.

I reacted badly to several fits that were thrown and swore I wouldn't go back to have to put up with that "abuse" when I was only trying to help. I am the "in law" after all and shouldn't have to put up with it.... Okay, I'm the primary care giver and somehow ended up making most of the decisions, but still...

Without going into the whole drama of it all, God put in my path a video of a "Letter from Mom & Dad," using a friend on Facebook to do so. I read through the "letter" crying most of the way. It really got me to thinking about the circumstances that brought this relative to the place where she is now and how hard it must be for her. I immediately sent it to my children, reposted it on Facebook and sent it to my mother and my sisters. I made my husband and my brother-in-law and his wife watch it, too.

My husband and I have a renewed patience and desire to make things better for her as well as a desire to really listen to her, not just pretend to listen to her. My mother says that she hopes I learn from this experience, so when its her turn, I will have it down to an art!

A couple of days after coming to this realization, I had to take the relative to the doctor and instead of taking her back to the care center, we went out to eat, then later just sat in the car talking and dropped in on one of her friends to visit for a minute.

I found myself really listening for the first time about how things were affecting her and what her wishes were instead of thinking that I and the rest of her family knew best. After finding out what was really bothering her, we relaxed her diet and had the therapist set her up a schedule so she would know when to be ready as well as a couple of other changes. We still have to make hard choices, but at least I understand her better and she did a complete turnaround. Several of the staff even commented on it.

I sent this video to the Director of the Care Center and told her that she should make it required viewing of all new residents' families. It's pretty simple, really and may not touch anyone like it did me, but I know it was meant for me to see for this season of needing to learn to understand and to listen, hopefully resulting in that unconditional love that Jesus taught us. May you be as blessed as I was!

(The video is no longer available.)

My First Encounter with a Snapping Turtle

Picture this turtle with its jaws wide open snapping at you!

I went down to the barn a few days ago to feed the horses.  As usual, I put the hay and grain in the stalls then went to open the gate to let the horses into the barn.  Scooter went into his stall and immediately began to eat his grain as is his custom.  Shorty went into his stall and immediately began to snort and prance around. 

As I turned to see what was the matter, he spun around on his hind legs and looked down at the ground just outside the barn but still within his run, stomping and snorting.  I glanced over there and was totally amazed that he was reacting that way to a turtle, but looking, again, began to understand. 

This turtle was as big as a dinner plate, had claws and a tail about 9 to 10 inches long and was moving at a fast rate of speed toward my horse.  He looked like a prehistoric monster going after his lunch. 

 I ran to get a garden rake to push the turtle outside the run, still not thinking too much about it until I reached out the rake to "move" him away from the horse.  Bam!  He hit that rake like he was a snake and the war was on.  Not only was I doing battle to protect my horse, now I was determined that this stupid turtle was not going to best me.  I would push him back a ways, then over with the rake and he would flip back over and charge the rake.  I pushed him again and he charged again.  The hare would not have beaten this tortoise!  He moved faster than an armadillo and was a lot more vicious.

I finally managed to push him outside the run, turned him over on his back in a shallow wash and ran to the house to get the shotgun, hoping he would still be there when I got back.  I did not want to run into this ferocious warrior in the dark!

He was there, but turned back over and was covering ground when I got back.  I am embarrassed to say that the first two shots with the 410 missed.  The next one killed him and the fourth one made sure I was not going to be chased by this snapping turtle ever.

If it's another 58 years before I meet another snapping turtle, that will be okay with me.  My first encounter was plenty.

If you want to know more about these common turtles, you can check them out at http://www.critterzone.com/magazineresource/common-snapping-turtle-Chelydra-serpentina.htm. 

Why I Identify with This Quote

"There is in every true woman's heart, a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity, but which kindles up and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity."-Washington Irving, The Sketch Book

For several years I tried, with all I had, to really immerse myself into doing "God's work."  I really felt that I was supposed to use my "spark of heavenly fire" to spread the gospel through leading a Bible Study, a Women's Group, publishing a newsletter, attending intercessory prayer meetings, and trying to pour myself into all "church" activities.  I won't go into why I'm not doing those things, but for a year or so, I was so depressed by the way things turned out, I didn't do anything but stay home and try to understand how I could have misunderstood so devastatingly what I thought the Holy Spirit had told me.  My "spark of heavenly fire" almost went out completely. 

Then little by little, the fire began to burn brighter.  A path was opening up for me that I knew was where I was supposed to be and why I was supposed to be moving along it. 

The "dark hour of adversity" moved in on me through the nomination of Obama for president.  It hit me so hard that I was moved to immediately identify with the Republican Party and more importantly with right wing conservatives. 

I have come to see our way of life threatened by the encroachment of big government, by basing that government on human efforts instead of Godly foundations, by the destruction of a free market system, by the socialization of our healthcare, by the lies, secrets, bribes and takeover by people that care nothing about "we, the people," only power-grabbing by themselves. 

The "dark hour of adversity" is continuing on, so I, like most mothers when feeling like her family is being threatened, am experiencing that "spark of heavenly fire" blaze up and burn brightly.  I am still following the path that I think God intended me to follow. 

I have thought for several years that I was called to be a watchman.  I think that is where politics comes in.  I have been called to watch and warn of the impending attacks by the enemy, in this case the liberals that want to take our freedoms away.  I have moved in the most effective way I could for a time such as this.  My "fire" is being utilized to warn you, the people through my writing, my social networking, and entering the political arena through the office of Republican Party of Jack County Chair allowing me to be vocal and to promulgate conservative values as the basic Godly foundation of at least Jack County.

My "fire" has been kindled, is beaming and blazing as I march in defiance to the liberal attempts of taking over MY REPUBLIC, THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

So when you read Washington Irving's quote every time you get on my blog, I hope it ignites your "heavenly fire" and keeps it burning brightly in the fight for our freedom.

Texan or Southern? A Bit about Me

Can a true Texas woman be an authentic Southern Belle? I always considered myself to be a Southern Belle, but to be a true Southern Belle, I would have to agree that I could just as well have been raised in South Carolina or Georgia. Not going to happen!!! My Texas roots are just too deep! No Southern Belle can compete with a true Texas woman anyway.

My sisters and I were brought up in Texas, which is considered the South by many parts of the country and admittedly, do honor many of the traditional ways of Southern women. Of course, we are not from the Old South like Atlanta, New Orleans, or Charleston; nor would we want to be.


We, like most women of my generation and older, are proud to be Texan, even more so than Southern. After all, Texas is where "men are men and women are senators and governors!" Our mothers made sure we were self-sufficient.


Our self-sufficiency was not due to any lack of "man" power. It was, rather a place where we needed to be so that we could survive even the harshest conditions whether they were economic, physical, emotional or even right alongside our men sharing in the labors of our "harvests".


My mother had survived with her mother and 4 sisters on a small government check after the sudden death of her father at the end of the Depression when she was 12 years old. They lived several miles in the country in a board house patched with tin can lids and an outhouse, no car and no indoor plumbing, walked to a one room school house down the road in the only pair of shoes they got that year for school. They literally wore dresses made from flour sacks. They ate biscuits with weevils in the flour because that's what they had. A neighbor would take my grandmother to town for groceries once per month. These 6 brave, strong women were tough. They survived with hard work, helping each other and doing without a lot that we take for granted.


I often thought that my mother just did not trust men, so she taught me to do whatever I had to do or it would not get done. There just were not any male or female roles. Well, the more I learn about my mother, the more respect that I have for her. She not only taught me to survive, she instilled pride in who I was and a love of family.


My mother has taken the world to raise, it seems sometimes. I can get so jealous of her at times because she is so giving and I am not, then at other times, I'm so awed by her because she is so giving and never asks for anything in return. I know she has been let down by many people, me included, but she is a real heroine to me.


She taught me that I can do anything, that I can be the leader or the follower and either one is okay as long as I do a good job. She taught me that I can take the dryer apart, fix it and put it back together, that I can change my own oil and my own flats. Those things are expensive so I learned to do them as a young mother trying to save money. My mother will tell you to this day that there is no one that can live on as little as I can when I have to do so. Well, that's her teaching me how to take care of myself and my family without having to depend on anyone else when I have to do it.


Being the wife of a Texas rancher (we have 6 cows, a bull and 5 calves, so it's a little ranch) I have had to step up and take care of things while the husband is away on business during the week. We have a neighbor's bull, fighting with our bull over, under and through the barbed wire fence on a regular basis. I have learned to stretch and repair barbed wire and how to shoot a 410 with one hand while driving the Mule with the other chasing the bull back through the gate. I can tell within a week when a calf is going to be born and I can use a post driver. I can drive the tractor and pull a hay rake or a mower. I have fixed a leaky waterer in the dog pen and shot copperheads on the back porch. I load and unload feed and hay and have put round bales out for the cows with the front end loader. I'm not bragging about all these things, but if my mother had not instilled the "can do" attitude in me, I don't know what we would do. We sure could not afford to pay someone.


Mother also taught me how to set a "proper" table, cook the appropriate casseroles for funerals and social gatherings, and not to wear white shoes before Easter or after Labor Day. I can throw a "theme" party if I have to and yes, I can make the punch match the color of the theme. She made sure I knew to use crystal pitchers, real dinnerware and not paper plates or plastic forks and yes, I own a deviled egg plate (3 actually!)
 

Many people think that because women stay home and do not work outside jobs that they are pretty much worthless to society, but let me tell you some of the women I know in  Texas.....are not afraid of work. Not only do they take care of the kids, the house, the yard and can throw a great party, they will get right out there beside their men, put their leather gloves on and unload a truckload of 70 lb. bales of hay, with a baby on one hip and homemade bread in the oven....well, not literally. (The baby was probably in his stroller.)


Along with the teaching of our mothers and fathers, our Texas pride permeates not just its women, but the men as well. How else would you explain the swagger and the stature of our men here in this part of the country? Don't you feel a little taller when you tell someone from another state that you are from Texas? A little bolder...a little more self-confident? Aren't you a little prouder to be from Texas?


My Iowa born husband has commented several times, "like the saying goes, 'I wasn't born in Texas, but I got here as fast as I could!'" and as a 5th generation Texan, I have to admit, he's adapted really well so I guess he's past the "Damn Yankee" stage and I'll let him stay.

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